how can i expect anything more when people read through my website and somehow conclude that i live in san jose? (not directed at piggity, who knows all)

i wish i were living in san jose. that way, i’d be really close to bay 101. i could then pursue my dream of being a full-time poker player. but it’s not that simple, you see. i could’t just drop everything and move to san jose. i mean, how would i make a living?

I understand the intense curiosity about your lifestyle. Too bad some people apparently cannot contain their curiosity at your expense. Hopefully you are comfortable just saying that you are not comfortable with the subject matter and don’t want to talk about it anymore.

Well, I’m sure that I’ll get more nasty comments because I offended the diety known as Eric.

I love this posting and the replies. It’s fantastic to see how people split this issue so differently. You’ve said in some of your replies that some are “missing the point.” But since this is a self-reflective, pensive journal of yours where you comment upon your daily life and your reactions to it, you actually are the point itself. The problem and reaction need to be viewed with unbiased balance from both sides. Let me explain.

Your posting talks about how rude some are when inquiring about your means to an income–but you have to admit that people (in general) are pretty dumb and can be clueless and rude to just about anyone, so we can safely say their behavior is not about you. They do it to everyone if they’re doing it to you. And this goes for financially successful Silicon valley types and people all over. Boiling this down to expectation and disappointments you become the subject of the posting, since you’re the one disappointed (aka “annoyed”) with people’s aberrant behavior when they pry into your financial life. If we all know people are dumb, why be disappointed with them? I expect their behavior.

The fact that you posted this shows that when people ask you about money it makes you uncomfortable in some way. We all have hot-button issues that annoy us–for some it’s about money, others about love life, others about family, sex, religion, etc. So the real question is, what does it say about you that these financial questions so perterb you?

I would venture to guess–having only crossed paths with you once and found you to be a wickedly bright and driven person–that the question makes you feel like you have to “justify” your lifestyle (and I don’t think that’s the question they are asking you, but I think that’s what you’re hearing). My assumptions–once again these are assumptions I’m not saying I know you well enough–are that you’ve worked your ass off, you’ve managed your moneys, income, and current successes well, you’ve made strong principled “life choices” about how you’re going to live due to these successes, and presto you have a pretty sweet life.

Yes, others will be jealous or envious–that’s just people and how they are. But if you’ve actually earned your successes, why bother hiding it, or getting annoyed when people ask how you do it? There has to be a balance in regards to the people asking the question; what I mean is the motivation for the question is sometimes outright rudeness and boarishness, other times it’s just curiosity by kind people who are not only intrigued by your successes but want to share in your unique circumstances of “good things happening to good people.” It’s up to you to decide which camp they are in.

If you have indeed worked your ass off to get to where you are there’s nothing to hide and the question isn’t rude at all. You may see it as rude, since money issues combined with privacy seem to be a hot button with you, but other people might simply reply, “You know I did really well with my internet startup and I’ve reinvested those profits to finance my passions;” or, “You know, I work infrequently as a consultant to bring in extra cash to augment my ability to do this;” or “You’d be surprised what a niche business I’ve found doing underwater photography–I’m lucky as hell!” Fill in the blank with a direct, honest response that celebrates your hard work, rather than conceals it. If you made a zillion way back when, then, you know what? More power to you. Good things don’t happen to good people often enough so let the world know that it does still happen. And if you’re really turning tricks down in the Haight to pay the bills then tell the world a little time on the street is worth months in the ocean–can’t you see the benefits!” Whatever! Maybe you’re a lost Kennedy from an affair on the side and the hush-money keeps you traveling–celebrate it! I wish I had some hush-money come to think of it. ;-)

You’ve earned your successes, and I think there is nothing worse than concealing them. Human destruction is everywhere, but how often do you get to meet human successes that are really prodigious and celebrate a goodness within us? Your passions are admirable and enviable–think of all the “comfortable” people you know who you despise since they’re so wicked? Just because you are successful and living part of your life as a “dream” to others doesn’t mean you’re arrogant, or conceited, or boarish. They asked, and if you’re really successful financially or otherwise, give ‘em a straight answer. They’re adults. They asked the question. If they can’t handle the answer all the quicker you can rid yourself of them. But I think you’d be pleasantly surprised how many people you find would not be envious or jealous, but moreover they would be really happy for you, and feel lucky to have met you.

‘nuf said.

I am from mainland China and have stayed in US for 7 years. I finished my PhD and started my career in academic. It’s not been easy for a foreigner and I think I am relatively successful in my field. There is one thing (since I started to learn diving) which gives me lots of courage and strength is that I came across many people like you who devote themselves into the passion and doing amazing work!

My parents on the other side of the earth sometimes have the question of why I did not take the ‘usual’ job and live an easy life but instead taking the path to an uncertain and definitely difficult future. I tell them the story of you and many other people I met in this country. They probably can not understand but at least they believe what I said.

I think sometime people may not mean to be rude but just curious to learn more about an example of being successful and try to be one of them. Like celebrities - they can accomplish most people wanted but could not.

Wish you very success!

sometimes its the same with “usual” job. For example I’m working in a big IT-Consulting company and doing project management for an outsourcing customer. Often people asking me:

“So what are you doing for money?” -”I’m in a big IT Consulting company” “Ah, thats somethimg with computers, yes?” -”Ehm, yes something.” “So, you repair computers?” - “No, I’m more in managing projects” “Ah, so you manage people how to repair computers.” - “No!” “My computer at home doesn’t work. Can you repair it?” - “…!?!?!”

It’s still not as rude as the questions you got, but maybe now you’re feeling not so “alone” when people asking stupid questions. ;-)

Have a nice day and stay in NY!

Regards, Tobias