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Lies?

:: Monday, October 18th, 2004 @ 10:39:06 pm

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I found out lately that someone whose life intersected briefly with mine pretty much lied to me the entire time. If I am to believe what I am being led to believe, I was even used — with fully deceptive & soul-less intent.

She is currently effectively out of my life. Do I… 1) confront to get the other side of the story, or 2) let it go and cut off contact forever?

Luckily, there is one source who cannot lie about things, and I will call her tomorrow to confirm the validity of one prospective lie. I suppose my decision will hinge on what I find out.

| Houston, TX | link | trackback | Oct 18, 2004 22:39:06
  • syndromes

    I guess were I in your situation, i’d probably confront the person and get the opinion/insight of said trustworthy friend and go from there depending on what turns up.

    Obviously I don’t know the situation, but i’ve been involved in too many instances that were just miscommunication and ended up getting completely turned into something else because bad assumptions were made regarding intent and the like.

    But like I said, I don’t know the situation – I can’t stand disingenuous people so hopefully it’s just a misunderstanding, but if it’s true, i’d be happy to whoop a little ass on your behalf! Shady people with bad intentions PISS ME OFF!! GRRrrrr!!

    Steroids are bad, mmm’kay?

  • http://markus.nolf.org jumpin

    in your position, i think i would go for it and talk to her directly, without any detours.
    you can still cut off contact if you know it is the way you assumed it… but maybe it’s not, and i wouldn’t risk that.
    :|

  • http://www.xanga.com/cyclgrl cindy

    depends on how trustworthy your source is, but if you value the original person’s friendship in anyway, then she deserves to have you hear her side of the story.

  • Chester

    “Intersected briefly” would seem to indicate that it’s not worth a lot of effort. There’s so many more important things to do — watch the new season of Real World/Road Rules Challenge, for example.

  • echeng

    yeah — sorry I’m being so vague. here’s the deal: if even 1% of what I’m hearing about this person (and her intentions/deceit regarding me) is true, then she has treated me worse than anyone i’ve ever had contact with — by tenfold.

    i’ve already decided to cut off contact. my friend adam nash used to say, “don’t mess with crazy people.” i’m taking his advice.

  • http://www.daydreamy.com gg

    it sounds like this is bothering you a lot, and it might be worth hearing her side just to at least alleviate some of the hurt that you are feeling. however, whether you believe her side, will be another story! my personal opinion is that it’s always best to cut your losses, especially with people who you don’t trust. hope you feel better soon!

  • angela

    Cut toxic and/or untrustworthy people out of your life. No good will come of their presence. ‘Nuff said.

  • http://www.guppieluv.com/ andrey

    gosh, i’m so sorry to hear that. it really blows when you discover someone you once knew wasn’t really what they seemed. however, i tend to think that people are generally good–it’s just that, for whatever reason, they get lost and do dumb things. if it makes you feel any better to find out the truth (and not to rely on hearsay), then go for it, especially if it will give you closure. but don’t expect too-too much out of it, because sometimes confrontation can make matters worse, especially if they’re not ready to handle it.

  • jim

    If what you’re saying is what I think you’re saying, I would say don’t confront her, but get the information from a third party. If your theory proves to be true, let it be known to the person who deceived you that you know. But don’t call her. At that point the burden is on her to reach you and apologize or whatever. If she doesn’t, it’s not worth a conversation anyway.

    I hope that made sense. :) I’d be interested in hearing the story in person. But if it’s what it sounds like, put the burden on her to beg forgiveness. If she doesn’t, let it go. But as a starting point there should be some mutual awareness that it’s now all out there.

    my 2 cents.

  • echeng

    thanks, guys, for the advice and support. i think i’m beyond wanting any sort of begging for forgiveness now — in fact, i’m beyond ANY contact whatsoever. i just found a use for CallShield on my Treo, which will pipe her calls directly to voicemail. I don’t even want to see the name show up on the screen.

    The third party info came through today — it was actually the assistant district attorney in new york, which will give some of you confirmation of who i am talking about (and in person, of course i will share the story). and yeah, the person i’m talking about didn’t exactly lie, but used words in her voicemail crafted to be misleading (the DA agreed with me).

    that’s an improvement from the norm, i think, but it amounts to the same as lying.

    it’s hard to believe how evil some people are. in her case, i sort of feel sorry for her. there’s all this talk of “inherent” goodness in humanity, but in this case, i think we have an exception.

  • norm

    Look on the bright side, it appears that you have found an example of the inherent badness in humanity!

    At least, it sounds like you may have good fodder for your beanie baby hell, don’t-try-to-tell-me-how-to-code section of the site!

  • http://www.guppieluv.com/ andrey

    assistant district attorney? yikes, sounds serious! well, i hope everything is swell in your neck of the woods now that this is done and over with.

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