Another notch in the category
:: Monday, August 9th, 2004 @ 8:41:30 pm
:: Tags: Thoughtful
Vienna told me the other day that she clicked on the “Thoughtful” category and there were only a few entries. (Actually, there are 29, but that’s not so many. :)
So I had some thoughts while sitting here at the airport. I’m travelling for about 50 hours in order to get to my destination, and most of that time will be spent in silence, thinking. For me, silence and thinking can often be correlated with mild depression and doubt, but it’s healthy for me because most of the time I’m too busy to think.
After Clara mentioned Paulo Coelho the other day, I stole The Alchemist from Elliot’s bookshelf on my way out of the house. I read about half of it on the flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles, and it’s proving to be a great book for my current state of being (I suspect that perhaps everyone relates to it in some way, which is why it has sold so many copies worldwide.).
I, too, am amazed at the sequence of events that has led me to what I “do” now (whatever that is), and although I occasionally feel mild regret over various decisions I’ve made during the past five years, I rarely look back upon them with such regret that it clouds the ability to think about today and tomorrow. I’ve been pretty content, having juxtaposed the unknown of the long-term with firm commitment(s) in the relatively short term. Typically, I think for a bit, make a decision, and follow through. I’ve been over this before, but it’s been really liberating to be impulsive. I’m doing what I’m doing now because I have no real commitments, but that doesn’t means that I’m unwilling to make them. But I’m definitely not just waiting around for a commitment of some sort to happen. In the meantime, I’d rather put myself in the position of having as many experiences as possible.
And then, there’s this nagging fear that I may be conditioning myself to need adrenaline or new experiences in order to be happy, but that’s another problem. ;).